Megan here. I had so many expectations for parenthood before I became a parent myself. I knew exactly how I wanted my kid to act, sleep, eat, learn and grow. Even though I had no idea what life with a baby was actually like, I pictured my future baby adapting to my life and my schedule with ease. I had high hopes, near impossible expectations for what my life as a mom would be.
I quickly learned that babies change everything. Yes, everyone told me that, but until I met my first child I didn’t quite believe them. Suddenly I was home alone with a newborn who refused to drink from a bottle and wouldn’t go to sleep for anyone but me. My friends didn’t understand why I didn’t want to stay out late anymore or couldn’t just get a babysitter for a girls’ trip. Even though I was completely enamored by my sweet baby, I felt permanently tied to her, trapped in babyhood, unable to find any semblance of my former self.
I didn’t know how temporary and fleeting this feeling would be, that I would long for newborn snuggles the moment they disappeared, that I would be that crazy lady fawning over babies at the grocery store.
Now that my children are 5 and 2, I am rediscovering my freedom and independence within motherhood. I have much more perspective (although I’m still learning every day).
I have realized how quickly these precious years disappear. I don’t want to take my girls’ time as children for granted. I want to make sure that not only do I try to enjoy them in each stage (no matter how hard it may be), but that I also have taught them the most important things about life, the big lessons that they will one day teach their own children.
What are these lessons?
I think about this often. What do I actually want my children to learn from me? Sure, I want them to be good people, to grow into hard-working, God-loving women who know themselves and trust their intuition, to become the best versions of themselves. I also want to teach them how to cook, how to drive, how to take care of themselves and their homes. But the main stuff, the big stuff...that's what sometimes keeps me up at night. Are they learning enough from me? Am I doing right by them?
Then I realize one thing. I was always meant to be my girls' mom. I also know that you, my friend, were destined to be the mother (or parent, caregiver) of your child or children, no matter how they came to you. We are perfectly made for the roles we were given, no matter how challenging they seem. We will teach our children what they need to learn by simply being ourselves and sharing our worlds with them. They will be OK.
To celebrate Mother’s Day, Judy and I want to share the hopes and dreams we have for our kids. My kids are still little, and Judy’s are young adults (and her daughter just graduated from college this week!). Despite the age difference, our wishes for our kids are so very similar. That’s the thing about motherhood....while we all have different experiences raising very different children, our hearts are in the same place.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the busyness of motherhood, the stresses that this season brings, the changes it has forced upon our lives. Sometimes it’s good to step back and remember what’s important and why we do this good, hard, rewarding work.
Read on for our lessons, as well as the lessons from some of our sweet followers. We wish you a beautiful, restful Mother’s Day!
Judy's life lessons
And just like that you were all grown!
From the first time I held you and smelled your amazing hair and head, we were so deeply connected. That first kiss of your forehead and feeling your tiny body against my chest... there was something no one can ever prepare a mom for. It is absolute paradise.
I tried so hard to be present for at least a little bit each day and teach you the fundamentals of life, the basics of what it means to love and be loved.
Here are my hopes for you dear child.
You have been given everything you need within you to succeed. Follow your heart, even if it takes you to the ends of the earth. Just be true to yourself and know who you are.
You will make mistakes, and this is how lessons are taught throughout life. Pay attention to that inner voice. That is Grandma Sue and Grandpa Tony and Popy and all our family that have come before you and are willing to guide you. You just need to be quiet, and listen. And trust.
Remember, life isn’t perfect, but without the lows, the highs don’t mean a thing.
Before you know it, you will be all grown up and may even leave our nest. That is your job, It will be hard for both of us, but when you leave it means I did my job. And then off you will fly.
And collect sticks for your own nest.
And just like that you are all grown up!
Life lessons from our sweet mama followers
"I want my LO to know that everything I do is for her. I want her to value her family time and always want to spend holidays with her mommy and daddy in the future when she’s on her own. And most importantly I want her to appreciate the things she has and have a heart for people."
"I want my boys to learn the value of a strong work ethic. It's one of my most memorable qualities and I want my boys to be remembered for this too. You will always be successful at whatever you do if you work hard to succeed."
"I want my littles to know and understand that they are so loved, and to love others in that way. The 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love!!!"
"The biggest thing I want my daughter to learn is to love herself. I had so many self-esteem issues and I hated my body for most of my life. My inner voice has been mean and cruel. I didn’t take care of myself at all. I want her to learn to take care of the body she was given, to love it and fuel it."
"My hearts desires is to be a kind example of unconditional love, and to also teach how important it is to have a sense of humor, especially when the going gets ridiculously tough."
"KINDNESS. Open-mindedness. Sense of humor. Love. Life is a journey: embrace it."
"I want my son to know how to love others. I want him to know he's privileged (as a white man in America) and use that knowledge to help others. I want him to know I'm not perfect, none of us are, and that working hard to do and be better is the goal not perfection. I want him to be independent, strong, empathetic and compassionate."
"My daughter and I go through the same “check list” all the time:
Are you beautiful? YES!
Are you smart? YES!
Are you strong? YES!
Are you kind? YES!
Each one gets a different emphasis from her at different times, but I love them all."
"I hope to teach my child how to be humble, care for others and use her determination to change the world! She is the most persistent, determined, and stubborn 8 month old I know, but I know she will use all of these qualities to make a large impact on those around her and I hope to teach her how!"
Life lessons from Megan
I am a sucker for music lyrics and love sharing all types of music genres with my kids. To add to the emotional sob-fest of celebrating Mother's Day, I want to offer my lessons as favorite song lyrics. Click on the lyrics to hear the entire song via Spotify.
“Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top.” You are perfect exactly as you are. Every feature of you, inside and out, tells a story about your family, your past, your life until this point. Your curly hair matches your bouncy, silly personality, and your blue eyes look just like your daddy’s. Every cell in your body has a purpose, is important, is worthy, is exactly as it should be. Don’t fall into the traps of perfection, comparison, or self-doubt....because to me you are perfect.
“Don’t reach for the moon when you’re going to Mars.” You have more opportunities than any generation of women before you. Don’t take that for granted. You can and you will do hard things. It’s how you get better, how you grow. You will define your own successes as you get older, but whatever you decide to do...put your whole heart into it. You will always be proud of yourself when you try your best.
"I hope you're somewhere prayin', prayin' / I hope your soul is changin', changin' / I hope you find your peace / Falling on your knees, prayin'." Sweet child, may you never forget that you are loved by God or a power greater than you. It is impossible for us to fully understand this life. Trust that there is something much bigger than you and the pain that you may experience in life. Ask for help. Talk to God, the universe...whatever you grow up to believe. Always keep your eyes and your heart open for signs that God's presence is with you.
"All you need is love." Treat everyone you meet with kindness. You never know that path others are taking. Try to put yourself in others' shoes, and show empathy, patience, kindness and grace. Be known for the positivity you put into the world.
"Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out / Shake it out, shake it out, ooh woah." Trust yourself. You know the right answer. Don't let stress of school, work, relationships, money, family, friends, anything keep you from living a full life. Take risks and be spontaneous. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Things always look better in the morning - "it's always darkest before the dawn." Shake it out, girl! (This song was my birth power anthem with Hannah. It always reminds me of strength and letting go. We are so much stronger than we believe!)
"Go after your dreams, crazy as they may seem / Go chase all the stars in the sky / Baby I'll be paving the runway / 'Cause I know that one day you're gonna fly." I love that Judy and I finish with analogies about flying, but it's really true...my job is to help you fly, my darling child. No, I don't want to see you go. Yes, I wish I could cuddle you in the safe, comfortable nest forever. But how will I know how high, how far you can fly if I don't let you go? How will I know the beautiful color of your wings, the uniqueness of your feathers, if I don't let you stretch them out in all their glory? Sweet baby of mine, please never forget that I am always, always here for you, no matter what happens in your life. I am always a safe place, a shoulder upon which to rest your head, an ear that will listen. I promise to respect your thoughts and to create your own path - yes, independent of my own - and I hope and pray that you will never forget how much you are fiercely, irrevocably, forever loved.